Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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