So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
