false alarm. still invincible.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
