My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
