i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
