Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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