Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
is that a dick in a sweater?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
