i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she peed on how many people?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
