She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
