I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
