I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
