I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
