seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
