i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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