I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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