He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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