i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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