Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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