i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
