Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize