It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
