Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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