bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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