why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
