My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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