Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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