I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
