u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize