Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
