I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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