you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
as a side note pls kill me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
