u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
