Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
