You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
