Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
