the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
