He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
