he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
