I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
