I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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