We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
