somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
