I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
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