What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
