Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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