I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
