you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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