singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Holy sore nipples Batman
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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