You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize