Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
