I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
