What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
false alarm, still single
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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