just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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