Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
