I just saw a hot homeless man
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
