i think my tv is drunk
i will never coherently bang her
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
