Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
