No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
