By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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