So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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