sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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