I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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