Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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