I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
