Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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