Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
