I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize