I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
