So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
