we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
