I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
