I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
