I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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