The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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