I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
