She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
