i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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