im drinking this country out of the recession.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize