i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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